You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize