when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
