Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
