how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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