Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
