didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
