i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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