We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The struggles of a small town man whore
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
