I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We left the knife in your bed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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