She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
