I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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