My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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