Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
