i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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