and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
