R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
