I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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