You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
