awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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