this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
