Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize