can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
