So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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