we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
