smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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