The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just want to make out with him forever
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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