Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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