We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
