He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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