My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
