So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
