please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
