I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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