Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
