No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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