I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
