I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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