R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
