Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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