Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
