that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
