I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
now i know why i became what i already was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize