What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
