I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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