I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize