shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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