She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
