I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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