hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
