to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
