Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
