The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
