I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
