Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
