I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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