I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
