You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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