oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
