It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize