Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
