My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am naked and annoyed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
