The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
only if we run a train.
done.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize