oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
