and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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