Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
