if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
