Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize