hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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