apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
