on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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