ugly people sure do ruin things
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
