i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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