Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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