rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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