I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
