a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
