Three words: puerto rican gang bang
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
