I wish I could punch you in the face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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